


Spectre ga Gotoku | Mass Effect Kiwami 2 (Substory 27: Krogan Sushi)

by al_fletcher



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy, 龍が如く | Ryuu ga Gotoku | Yakuza (Video Games)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Crossover, Fish on the Presidium, Gen, Humor, Substories, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 09:09:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15021353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_fletcher/pseuds/al_fletcher
Summary: What if sidequests in Mass Effect worked like ones in Yakuza?Hell, what if EVERYTHING in Mass Effect worked like it did in Yakuza?





	Spectre ga Gotoku | Mass Effect Kiwami 2 (Substory 27: Krogan Sushi)

**Author's Note:**

> For maximum effect, play this track while reading to this: https://youtu.be/OLXfE6JIj5g

**ZAKERA WARD, LEVEL 27**

Krogan (overheard): I heard those lakes up on the Presidium are filled with fish.

Other krogan (overheard): No, they're not!

Krogan (overheard): You ever been up there?

Other krogan (overheard): No, C-Sec won't let me. They say I'm a risk.

Krogan (overheard): Damned turians. We should kill them all.

**> > Help them out <<**

**Don't help them out**

 

**Substories 27: Krogan Sushi**

Shepard: I couldn't help but overhear you. Why are you so interested in fish from the Presidium?

Kargesh: It's so decadent. Eating a fish from the Presidium...would be like screwing Sha'ira.

Shepard: ......

Kargesh: What's so funny?

Shepard: Oh, nothing.

Rukar: Ugh, asari are so...squishy. Where are you supposed to get a decent grip?

Shepard: Anyway, I used to work for the Council. I can go find out, if you'd like.

Kargesh: Please do, human! We'll wait for you here.

Rukar: Yes, please do, human. It's all he's been talking about since we got here.

* * *

Shepard: (Hmm, the **Human Embassy** is the closest I can get to those lakes right now. Maybe I can ask the human councillor, **Donnel Udina** , if I can take a look at the lakes on the Presidium.)

Rapid Transit: The fare starts at 5 credits. Where would you like to go?

**Normandy SR-2**

**Request New Squad Member**

**> > Presidium <<**

**Zakera Level 26**

**Zakera Level 27**

**Zakera Level 27 Docks**

**Zakera Level 28**

~~**Factory District** ~~

Rapid Transit: Very well. Please fasten your seatbelt.

* * *

**PRESIDIUM, HUMAN EMBASSY**

Donnel Udina: Yes, Commander? How may I help you?

**The location of Kaidan Alenko.**

**The damage to the Citadel.**

**The remains of Sovereign.**

**The war with the geth.**

**> > The lakes on the Presidium. <<**

Shepard: I don't suppose you'd know how to get to the Presidium lakes, Councillor?

Donnel Udina: WHAT?! Does the term "political shitstorm" mean anything to you, Commander?

Donnel Udina: Those reservoirs are completely off-limits since a batarian attack two-and-a-half years ago, even to Spectres, which I remind you that you aren't!

Donnel Udina: If you can't even get the Council to TALK to you, I very much doubt you can get access to them. Good day to you, Commander!

Shepard: (Well, if that isn't a kick in the dick. Now what?)

Shepard: (Wait, there used to be that ramen bar on the lower wards which sold sushi on the side. Maybe the chef there will know something.)

* * *

 

**ZAKERA WARD, LEVEL 26**

Chef: Irrashaimase!

**Menu:**

  * **Cancel**
  * **Toroniku | 10 credits**
  * **Yakiniku | 10 credits**
  * **Tamago | 10 credits**
  * **Salmon sushi | 5 credits | + 1**
  * **Maguro sushi | 5 credits | + 1**
  * **Hamachi sushi | 5 credits | + 1**
  * **Ebiko | 5 credits**
  * **Tobiko | 5 credits**



Order: Thank you. That comes to 15 credits.

**Friendship+++**

Shepard: Say, would you happen to be getting your fish from the Presidium's lakes?

Chef: Oh, definitely not! I don't even want to know what fish grown in 0.3G would even wind up looking like. All our stock is imported fresh from Japan!

Chef: And sometimes from Bekenstein, if there's some sort of delivery issue. But don't tell anyone I told you that.

Shepard: (Well, drat. Now who can I ask?)

Chef: If you want to know more about the Presidium's lakes, you can try finding the groundskeeper! He's a regular here and at the **Dark Star Lounge** on **Level 28**.

Shepard: Thanks for the tip.

Chef: Arigato-gozaimashita!

* * *

_Some running around to Level 28 later..._

Angry asari: Hey you! Aren't you Commander Shepard, so-called "Hero of the Citadel"?? This is for leaving the Council to die, you bastard!

**MENACING ASARI**

**Inventory:**

  * **Tupari++ (10) | Boosts your HEAT dramatically <<**
  * **Mew Boots**
  * **Shrink-wrapped Magazine**
  * **Citadel Locker Key: N-7**



**Feel the HEAT!**

Used **Essence of Slam**!

**Kalara Tomi: KO**

Kalara Tomi: Please forgive me, Commander. I was drunk and talking out of turn. Kindly take this as a compensation.

Received **Paragade+** !

* * *

 

**ZAKERA WARD, LEVEL 28, DARK STAR LOUNGE**

Groundskeeper: Can I help you?

Shepard: I understand you're one of the groundskeepers here. Do you know anything about fish in the Presidium lakes?

Groundskeeper: I get that question a lot! I think it's right after "where's the restroom"?

Groundskeeper: Those are reservoirs; the Presdium's own supply, independent of the water storage tanks in the wards.

Groundskeeper: The only place I know where to get fish on the Citadel would be **Deleia Sanassi** 's gift shop, **Citadel Souvenirs**.

Shepard: So wait, when I get a glass of water at the human embassy, it's from the same stuff that tourists throw garbage in?

Groundskeeper: No, they purify it first. If some levo bacteria got in and a dextro person drank it, they could die! Everything would be so much simpler if we all had the same DNA, but nooooo, the universe loves diversity.

Shepard: Where can I find this gift shop?

Groundskeeper: In the market, downstairs from the bar. Deleia sells aquariums. Fish are the largest pets residents can get permits from.

Shepard: Thanks for your time.

Groundskeeper: No problem. Say, would you mind answering a question of mine, since I've helped you out?

Shepard: Well, shoot away.

Groundskeeper: Well, what's with those funny bumps on the fronts of your females? Like the ones on asari? What're they for?

Shepard: ......

Shepard: I should go.

* * *

  _On the way back down to Level 27..._

Shady turian: My friend and I here got thrown off Omega for planning to jump a guy in an alleyway. I don't suppose you'd mind giving us a donation to help our plight?

Shady turian: Oh, you do mind, do you?! Well, we'll just have to take our donation anyway!

**CITADEL CRIMINALS**

Pick up: **Avina console stand**

**Avina console stand (5)**

**Avina console stand (3)**

**Vertin: KO**

**Avina console stand (0)**

**Huck: KO**

Vertin: You know, keep your donation. And you know what? Here, for keeping quiet about this.

Vertin: In retrospect, picking a fight right outside C-Sec headquarters was the sort of thing we got thrown off Omega for...

Received **500 credits!**

* * *

**ZAKERA WARD, LEVEL 27, CITADEL SOUVENIRS**

Deleia Sanassi: Welcome again, Commander Shepard!

**Menu:**

  * **Illium Skald Fish  | 416 | +1**
  * **Thessian Sunfish | 416**



Order: That comes to 416 credits. Thank you.

* * *

**ZAKERA WARD, LEVEL 27**

Kargesh: Yes, human?

**There are no fish in the Presidium.**

**> > Here, I "found" a fish. <<**

Shepard: Here, I found a fish.

Kargesh: What, there actually were some?!? I'll pay you for it!

Shepard: And what, I'm not hungry? I went all the way up to the Presidium for this. Why should I give it to some random krogan?

Kargesh: ...I'll pay you A LOT for it.

Shepard: Oh, all right. It's obvious you really want it. Here you go.

Rukar: Weren't you saving that money for a new gun?

Kargesh: Eh, it wasn't like they'd let me use it here anyway.

Kargesh: Thank you, human. Many krogan have dreamed of this, but I get to be the first.

Rukar: It's just a damned fish! Guns are better than fish.

**Substories 27: Krogan Sushi -END**

Shepard: Well, what they say is true, I guess. You can lead a krogan to water, but you can't make him...think?

Shepard: Eh, that sounded better in my head...

**40 EXP gained!**

**Received 1000 credits!**


End file.
